It will all run to seed

How far down the rabbit hole or the downward spiral must you be so that someone thinks you’re on drugs, even though you’re not? (Except for those prescribed by the doctors.)
It has been a horrible day and the same thing will repeat next week. Except for the doctor’s part…He has messed up my head again with his long speeches about cultures, geography, nationality and the fact that he thinks he knows who I am. And apparently he knows what’s better for me. He thinks that me doing Masters is a waste of time, because things are not going to get any better by doing this. This sort of makes me think, because he is right about me wanting to escape from my current situation. At the end of the day this situation won’t ever change if I don’t face it. I really don’t know what to do, I honestly don’t. All I can do is look at the problem and say “Well, what about it.”
It’s probably useless to wait for heaven coming to earth. Nothing good with ever stay. Not voluntarily. Everything that does me good seems to go away in the end. But every little moment of happiness is so precious that I fall in love with it.
He says one day I will meet the end of all my dreams. My creativity and talent will run to seed and I won’t be able to do anything about that.
Well……., so why not let me try to live right now? Right this moment.
Maybe I’m running from the truth and I am the lie that people nowadays believe. Even though I know they are wrong, I won’t do anything to deny what they say, because there is no point. If they are not important parts of your life there is even less point in denying. Just let them say what they wanna. Though, I just can’t lie to people that I care a lot about, that is all. But I lie to myself so much that I can’t even tell anymore whether I’m me or not. I wonder whether I’ll ever learn this lesson. Or is it going to be an endless trip? A brain and heart trip, which does nothing except to make me crazy.
But I will stick with escapism now. A bit of fun, a bit of romance and a bit of high speed. I just can’t deal with my reflection; it falls apart every time I see it. Escape from my current situation. That’s what I’ll do.

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