Hell to pay

Killwhitneydead. What would I do without this band. Sometimes I wonder how I would have been able to deal with this anger of the past. And sometimes I forget that it is still there. It has been numbed and kept aside. It happens that people tend to poke it and then hold it in front of my face, just so I can see how it is still grinning at me like a clown. Why would you do that for? What are you trying to tell me? I don’t even think it’s anyone’s business. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m everything you despise if that’s what you’re trying to say.
I’m sick of people coming up to me because they need something, because they want to ask me for a fucking favour. I’d do it, yes, but where would they disappear to after? Not even a goodbye, but at least a thank you.
What if I’m not the only one who says that I have hell to pay? But friends and family members tell me that? Does it mean I have serious problems that need to be dealt with? What if I just close my eyes and ears, would they still be there? Oh yeah! Umm well, what to do…err, yeah build a circle and walk round it… The fun thing is it doesn’t even make sense what I’m saying here. So all you can do is laugh at it. And I’ll laugh with you. After all I don’t need you to tell me how to open my eyes, as they are wide open already. You just don’t know what the hell goes on behind those eyes. There is one secret I can tell you: which is, I don’t see things that I want to see, but I see things that I’m too scared to see. I imagine a spider and there would be one crawling over my fingers. Do you know what it’s like? Not being able to control your fear? Oh no, of course not, you’re overconfident, you don’t need to worry about things like that. Consider yourself as perfect. You are so fucking boring.

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