Jesus Christ pose

I hate having to decide whether the day is good or bad straight after the driving lesson. All I can say is that I’m scared of failure and the past couple of lessons have been horrid and I can’t help seeing it as a kind of failure. So the days have been bad. But today was ok, I think it’s because we drove for 45min instead of 1h30min. I get overexhausted very quickly whilst driving. Still not used to roundabouts and I’m scared of curves. I wonder when I’ll be doing the practical exam. Hopefully before summer, because I’ve had enough of driving. Just want to put it behind me as soon as possible.

Since I’ve quit the tablets, I feel extremely freer. My mind’s not blocked anymore and I can’t stop writing my mind down. Many creative thoughts and pictures appear in my head and I’ve started to pay attention to them as well as care about them. The only bad thing is that I have trouble sleeping again. My eyes are wide open as soon as I lay myself down. It takes me up to 3 hours to fall asleep and I keep waking up in the middle of the night. I’ve started to dream more than usual as well. And the dreams are usually the cause that I wake up. Not because they are disturbing, but because they are loud for some reason; so the noises in my dreams keep waking me up.

Nine Inch Nails are playing at the Hurricane Festival. The last time they played was in 2005. That’s where I got to know some awesome Canadian guy. He even left me his collection of The Hitchhiker’s Triology (which I still haven’t read). His name was Matt and I often think about him. I don’t know why. I just hate the fact that we never swapped email or numbers. All I know is that he’s from Montréal and that he’s ace at building up tents. It doesn’t take him more than five minutes. I hope he’s alright and that one day I’ll meet him again (well I don’t know how high the chances are). That’s a perfect example of people coming in your life and then disappear a few minutes later. But they are special when you never forget them. Canada is definitely on my list, especially the French part, which is why I want to freshen up my French again.

I want to stand on my feet and take a deep breath, then stretch my arms and look up at the sky. And after three days I will be a different person. A better and stronger person.

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