Aspiring for what Jack Kerouac did

Now I wish I hadn’t stopped the tablets. I feel all wound up and I’m close to yell at my mother again. Bad dreams of ex and trouble at work. And I don’t know how to deal with it right now. It has all come back at once after taking a long holiday. Why not yell at me and tell me this is life? Do it for fuck’s sake! There is so much more to it that you don’t know about. Evil faces in my mind and I don’t know how to put them away. I guess I haven’t quite faced them yet, so they keep re-appearing in my mind. I can’t help repeating myself over and over. And I can’t help scratching my face like a total maniac. I’m beginning to think that everything I do is a mistake and that I take too many risks. I’m so sick of people, especially those with extra wishes, those who think they can get more out of you just for their own advantage. Right now I feel like biting, ripping, hitting and scratching. Put your hand on me and you’ll lose it.

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