Flying o’er the city lights

April 5th, Sunday, 12:25pm
Sitting outside Liverpool St station. The weather’s gorgeous. Still have eight hours left till my flight. So I’m chilling in the sun just to kill some time. Can’t be bothered going shopping with all those heavy stuff. Not sure when to go to the airport.
What a cool breeze…that’s what I like when the sun’s out, but I’m still not a fan of summer. I’m thinking of sending myself a postcard, but I can’t be bothered.
Haven’t met any odd people here in London. They all seem so much friendlier than the Germans. But then I haven’t actually talked to many Londoners since I’m here. But I like this multicultural environment. People don’t tend to stare at me like they do in Germany.
I want to have my hair cut, but I’m not paying 11,95 Pounds. In Germany I only pay 11€. As I said, I’m not happy anywhere. And this won’t ever change. All I know is that I need changes in my life. Almost constantly. A mundane life ultimately means death. You wake up and do the exact same thing over and over for years. I couldn’t do that. I’m wondering what I will miss when I leave London. The red mailboxes? The Lucozade energy drinks? Nah, it’s the language.
But right this moment I have to say I will miss the spring sunshine in my face, as I’m going to the airport now.
Eight hours left till my flight. I’d better hurry.

Here I am at the airport. Been walking round so much and smoking just so I don’t have to sit down. I’m tired, because I’m bored. Can’t be arsed reading and can’t be bothered listening to music either, but now I’m sitting here listening to “A Sunday” by Jimmy Eat World.
I have to check in manually, but the bloody machines say that I’m too early. For Christ’s sakes, it feels like 7 in the evening. So many people with big luggages. I must be the only one with just one bag. Tempted to use the internet again, but 1 Pound for just 10min is a total rip off. If someone drops a Pound on the floor I will go on the internet again, but right now I’m way too stingy to spend the money.
Couples everywhere and I can’t help staring. Maybe it’s better to stare at the floor or out of the window.
The world’s a cheating place and only 3 out of 10 are honest. I’m not the most honest one myself. I had this strange vision of me getting married twice, even though I swore to myself that I won’t ever marry. Maybe it’s not a good idea to challenge the future. Or to challenge myself. Basically I don’t think that I’m going to change at all and that I’m going to change my opinion on certain things. But you can’t be more wrong in fact.
Why bother anyway?
Michael J. Fox says that happiness is a decision, but I think it’s more an illusion just like anything else. Nothing lasts forever and therefore everything can be forgotten. There’s no such thing as memory. What you remember is not always accurate. So if you tell a story of the past there will always be some kind of error, which is why I don’t believe history books.
This airport’s an illusion, as in hundred or two hundred years this place might be vacant. Nobody will remember it. Being forgotten is something that everyone has to deal with.
Time to check in.

I’ve checked in and everything. And now another hour or two to wait till it tells me which gate to go to. Killing time is hard. I have sore shoulders and I can’t stop eating out of boredom. Too shy to go to Frankie & Benny’s to have a proper meal. There are two things that I haven’t done on my own, which are going to a restaurant and going to the cinema. I think one day I will get that lonely and then I will do it. Hemingway didn’t mind it and I’m sure Bukowski didn’t either.
Oh show me the fucking gate…

On board now thank God. Workers outside are loading the plane with luggages. Just saw my pink bag and the dude gave it a funny look. Close to home now. I feel exhausted.

Very close now. The city lights are beautiful. I don’t think I ever flew during night time. Back home. Good night.

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