Raw hedgehog

It’s now 5:36am, been trying to sleep for about an hour. No chance. My mind has been talking way too much; don’t seem to be able to shut it up. I’ve been racking my brains over (what you may call) excuses, excuses to justify myself. But in fact they are no excuses. They are how I feel. How much I do hate it when people expect me to “explain” certain things to them, all because I have this obscure way of depicting and describing things and events. It’s just hard to follow me when I talk and I’m sure many people will agree. This is why I prefer to write. I don’t know whether I lack of eloquence or certain vocabulary, but I like having my sentences simple. They are usually full of information, but the structure is very peculiar.

My alarm clock is showing 6:09am. Yes, I do have my alarm clock set about forty minutes ahead. I don’t know why anymore. All I know right now is that according to the Chinese calendar I was born on June 9th. Again, 6 and 9. 69 is the symbol of the star sign Cancer. 6 symbolizes the sixth day of the week, where I was born, therefore I carry the sixth planet on my back. And 9 is my life path number. Searching for meaning is irritating. For some reason I just can’t help it. I cannot stop looking.

Now it’s bright outside and the moon has gone. The main road is getting busy again. My mind seems to be racing with the cars. Maybe I cannot sleep because I’m scared of wandering ghosts and therefore I keep my mind busy with other things? My stomach is rumbling now, as if it’s demanding breakfast. Raw sea gull made me puke. Reminds me of something actually…

I went for a walk the day before my birthday. I went to the playground and spent one hour there, sitting on the swing. Suddenly I got disturbed by a noise in the bushes. It carried on for minutes and gradually it began to scare me. But I investigated anyway. I approached the bushes and expected something like a bird. I saw a sharp muzzle and first mistook the hedgehog for a badger. The hedgehog looked at me, but didn’t make another move. I started talking to it like the way I talk to my dog. It still wouldn’t move, even when I came closer. After a bit of a conversation I left it alone again and left the playground.

Two days later I was on my way to the driving school for my driving test. When standing at the bus stop, I saw a dead hedgehog on the street. I failed the test after three minutes drive.

Now will you stop asking me what is wrong?

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