Summer pondering

So far I’ve met many, many easy-going people. I’m not going to say people with “common sense”, because everyone has a different perception on everything and everyone. I want to focus on little things and how different people perceive those little things. Whilst some don’t bother, there are others who fucking take these little things personally. As if these little things mean the world to them. And then you are at fault when you don’t realize it. I’ve never paid much attention to people like that, until I saw that in a girl once. And today I saw it in my mother. No wonder why we argue so much. There are close people of yours who want to know each banal thing regarding you, such as “Did you take the train or the bus?” Something that not even you care about. But no they make a fuss about it, as if the world depended on it. I’m not talking about mothers and how they perceive things and so on, but I’m talking about people in general. In the end you are being accused of being insensitive, inconsiderate and ignorant. I hate this. You try to tell them that you didn’t mean to and you didn’t do it on purpose. But they are pissed off with you anyway, refusing to accept your apology. Do you still care? In moments like these, I just say sorry once. There are far worse things that I could do to you.
I just realized that my last blog’s title doesn’t quite make sense. I think being indecisive is being grey. It’s similar in the Russian film Night Watch. If you are an Other you’ll get to choose – between black and white. I know what I will choose. This is only if I don’t get the chance of actually thinking about it. I do have plenty of time to ask myself now, though. My only problem is that I don’t want to join parties. It’s like losing a big chunk of your own individuality and in the end you are in the midst of war – fighting against a brother or an uncle. Overall I haven’t quite made up my mind. Maybe there are occasions where you have to decide whose side you are on. Still this doesn’t change the fact that I could slap those people in the face who ask me: Whose side are you on?!
Well, certainly not on yours.
Oh well, a contradictory thing is that I vote. I have to emphasize that don’t have strong beliefs in any party; I vote because I am given the chance to make my own decision. I think everyone should do the same. Free choice, people! Of course it’s also a choice, if you decide not to vote at all. I don’t blame you if you have your own beliefs which none of those parties shape. As long as you have your own beliefs, it’s ok; as long as it is not apathy. However, even if I say I have my own beliefs, too, it’s no use, because I cannot say I can change the world. Not right this very moment anyway.

I think I’ve already mentioned before that I am planning to release three books at least? I’ve changed my mind – it’s going to be four. I’m not going to elaborate here. I’m hoping for the next ten years to be busy. I don’t lack of inspirations, but I lack of the ability to express myself appropriately. It’s hard not to be peculiar in language. I’ve always found it weird when tutors at school and university tended to criticize my style, saying I sounded like Yoda, but they didn’t seem to complain about James Joyce’s “Ulysses”, which I’m not going to read any time soon. I’d feel extremely insulted when reading him.

This is one of the most horrible blogs I ever wrote. No connections, nothing. Shame on me.

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