All I wanted

Right this very moment it is 4:55am. I have a big head ache and I’m unable to sleep. Started hugging myself during Let’s make a night to remember in bed and thought it might be a better idea to get out of bed again and start writing. Yes, otherwise I’d have gone a bit further. This dude is driving me out of my mind. I haven’t changed that much when it comes to stupid infatuations. I’ve been this way since I was eleven. I had written many many love stories when I was a kid. Proabably over twenty. Each story was over 60 pages long. It depended on how mad my current crush was. The funny thing about it was that I considered those as novels. Cute, huh? They were mostly hand written and then typed. I wrote romantic shit, sentimental shit, sad shit. I considered that as my only way to escape reality. The characters I created were more of less my imaginary friends.

A few years later I realised how cheesy I was and tried to get more serious. I startd to read Nicholas Sparks and when I compared my love stories to his, I realised that mine weren’t as good. Then my stories became shorter. Rather than calling them “novels” I simply called them “short stories”, going up to 5000 words. However, stupid infatuations were needed, in order to write anything. To name a few infatuations, there were Rivers Cuomo, Steve Jones and Bryan Adams. The short stories were written between 1999 and 2000. The other week I rewrote the Bryan Adams one titled All I wanted. And no you won’t ever get to read that. If you want to read my short stories, please visit and click on Fiction in the right column. You only may read stuff I wrote from 2004 onwards. If you’d like to read more, I’ll be delighted to send you a few. Well, All I wanted was a story that I was proud of. Nonetheless, I’m happy to post a paragraph:

>> I had Jazz music running in the background, which created a nice, soothing atmosphere in my workshop (which was also my bedroom). I was taking pictures constantly without taking any breaks. She got used to it in the meantime and all of a sudden I recognized a sign of seduction in her eyes. Now she couldn’t take her eyes off the camera, as if she was after the man behind it. She was excellent and genuine; she didn’t pretend to be sad or happy. Instead she seized this moment to be vain and alluring. And she was brilliant at it. <<

If you know the video of Let’s make a night to remember then you know what had inspired me to write that story. Dear me, that video was shot in 1996. I was 12. I wonder what I had felt exactly back then.

No more sex music tonight.

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