Thoughts and events in little pieces

It’s an unpleasant thing to witness your friends change. I don’t even want to go deeper into this subject.

It’s my parents’ 26th anniversary. I don’t care about that. That always reminds me of the Bonsai plant.

It’s not quite the autumn I was hoping for, but I love the melancholic atmosphere it causes, because it keeps other people inside, whilst I can be outside.

Holden Caulfield and I aren’t really alike, but we have a lot in common. In contrast to me he is a liar. But his lies are somewhat forgivable. He lies to strangers, in order to avoid discussions and conversations and to avoid revealing himself to people who might do harm to him. An extraordinary observer and extremely opinionated in his head. He’s just as observant as I am, he even writes about observations that I wouldn’t even think of writing about.

I feel very sad since yesterday night.

Even socialising with close people has somewhat become difficult that I tend to shut up most of the time.

My former art and sports teacher came to buy food in the supermarket. I felt like a loser serving her. I knew she remembered me. Intuitively, I started a conversation and I mentioned: “I finished school in England upon which I went to university for three years…” She then asked “Why the hell are you working in the supermarket?” I liked that question.

I admit sometimes I set value on what people think about me, especially when I know they are wrong. I always need to get it straight.

I still fantasize about him.

They are breaking open a part of the moon, in order to find supplies. I hate the human nature.

Having a strong will is not enough.

Why am I so numb when being sad?

Thinking of my last decent cry on September 6th.

I don’t feel like passing my experiences on to people who haven’t experienced the same thing. I want them to go through it themselves and get hurt. Very hurt.

I won’t tell deaf ears. I will only write for wise eyes.

I still fantasize about him.

I love and admire people who are stoical. Nothing is more attractive than this type of charisma. I only know stoicism in connection with numbness. I know there is more to it.

I plucked my eyebrows for the first time today. It hurt and my skin reddened. I don’t think I will ever go as far as other women who value outer beauty so much.

Why is it so hard talking to women?

Capitalism, power, fame and recognition. Anything else nowadays people talk about? Yes.

Never pour water onto a pan which is on grease fire.

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