The twin

She still acts very cold and distant. It doesn’t happen very often that I hope for her to say something random to me and not even that is happening. Normally she asks me about my work schedule or whether I’m going to buy bread in the morning; questions that used to piss the hell out of me. All of a sudden I feel very scared and I can’t really describe why. In our family it is not a common thing to ever say sorry after fights. It’s awkward and none of us like awkwardness. So how is it best to apologise? Well, all you need to do is: not to do anything that pisses her off. Examples: Don’t put the knife back into the drawer after cutting bread, at least wash it first. Or pick up your hair after washing. Self explanatory. But since that argument she seems to have so much more to moan about. I am not even listening anymore. I think the reason is because now she only talks to me when she’s complaining. There seem to be no questions anymore. She used to ask me questions which an ordinary friend or acquaintance would ask and it’s only her I’d yell the answer back at. You, YOU deserve being yelled at so much more. And I don’t know why I am unable to express myself to you.

“The catcher in the rye” has gotten boring. I got very bored of Holden’s tone. It’s not like reading anymore; it’s as if he’s chatting to me and he’s not always honest, either. Though, he’s very open and rather smart for his age, but men who don’t know what they want are a total turn-off.

“Hurt”, instrumental version…have you ever heard that one before? It makes you imagine yourself in a foggy area, wearing nothing but a negligee. You are on bare feet and you don’t even notice the cold as if you had an invisible shield that makes you feel absolutely nothing. Then you see an unconscious twin of yourself lying in the midst of the fog. Slowly you kneel down to touch her. She wakes up and grabs you violently by the throat.

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