At the end of the day no one gets it anyway and I’m tired of losing my temper over shit like that. It always leads back to me being fucking “too nice” and stuff, but what’s missing is appreciation from the others. But do I fucking care? Nah, I don’t. Trust me, I do not, I just want to be nice and give people the assurance that I am thinking about them. This is why I still do it. This is why I call up or attempt to organize something…but frankly, I cannot be fucking bothered with it. I am not ready and I’m getting sick of pretending that I am ready. Nothing but lies and endless secrets upon me!

I’m sick of fucking explaining and of making useless effort. Nevertheless I seem to keep doing it, no matter what. Oh why! Is it pressure or maybe the fear of losing them all by growing apart? I don’t know. I am being very controversial ain’t I? I think it’s because I have loads of opinions that are not fixed.  But after all I am NOT the one that grows apart from people; it’s fucking THEM! And somehow I can’t deal with this fact. I’m gonna give up on the niceness, it’s too hard to be good to certain persons, especially when they don’t even see this (urrgh)niceness or when they don’t show that they give a shit.

The earth is heating up and I am, too, within. It’s a matter of time when I’ll be angry enough to drown everyone.  But I don’t want to eliminate winter. Why does everything I want to do have such a terrible side effect for fuck’s sake?

How I fucking hate my recent blog entries. Just fuck me already will you! Goddammit…

I said something very misogynistic yesterday. I said I would never go to a female gynecologist or psychiatrist. That’s nothing new, but it actually sounds evil when saying this out loudly. But come on, ladies, sticks and stones, eh?

Ever heard of people who can read your aura? I met a lady in England who was able to do tell whether you are surrounded by positive or negative energies. I regret that I never asked her what she saw in me.

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