Songs of the universe

So the sleep hyperhidrosis comes from the 3 large cups of Tetley’s tea I have a day (5 years ago it used to be 7). Therefore all I had today was just Kräutertee and simply hot water. We’ll see whether I’ll go through another sweating session tonight. During midday I got overwhelmed by tiredness and now a light head ache seems to come and go. I usually deal well with caffeine withdrawal, but I’ve always wondered what I’ be like with drugs. I don’t miss the antidepressants, but on each Wednesday I seem to miss my valerian. I haven’t been taking those since I quit my last job in retail. Even though they do nothing except numbing my distress with an invisible shield for a few hours, I find it easier to breathe with them.

I don’t understand why my facebook doesn’t have a “random play” box for me to tick, which is not fair. Don’t you get lonely when listening to Amanda’s ‘First orgasm’? It’s always the same scenario: Crushing on someone, automatically have hopes and eventually not knowing whether they are taken or not. I’m good at it. There are many moments where I would simply risk everything and let my feelings go to the extreme and I still not let them know. I’m good at it.

Then I would listen to ‘Bug eyes’ and remember the nights where I used to dance till 5 in the morning, then wake up in the late afternoon with a sore neck. I hate all you bastards who are going out. But that’s just mere envy. And I still say ‘no’ when you ask me whether I want to join you. That’s just simply because I don’t want to watch you drink anymore. I’m so jealous of your happiness which I can’t be part of as I can’t relate to what you feel when being drunk.

What do you think of this girl? – A hateful, spiteful little beast swimming in cold pessimism; her muscles are solidifying, but she’s still learning to love again, but only hasn’t had the chance, yet. If only Arthur and Atman would leave her alone, instead of laughing at her all the time when the original version of ‘Hurt’ is on.

Bored of all these people telling you what’s good or bad for you and then being unable to explain to you why it is so. Why can’t I wear a ring that I just found? Why shouldn’t I eat a banana before bed? Why shouldn’t I stare at stars? Do I look like I want to google all that? The worst are the phenomena about healthy eating. After Harvey and Marilyn Diamond, I have decided to go my own way.

I feel very disenchanted with this place and I’m surprised because it seems that I have misjudged my own theories. The song ‘Wrong’ makes me aware of this unhealthy silence on the outside and this heinous YAWP for satisfaction on the inside. And then ‘Home’, on the other hand, puts me back on a linear string. But I’m waiting for my fairy godfather to hold my hand so I can walk confidently.

Dresden Dolls – “First orgasm”

Dredg – “Bug eyes”

Nine Inch Nails – “Hurt”

Depeche Mode – “Wrong”, “Home”

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