Humbert, Take 2

I love that book. Nabokov knew.  I didn’t know kids have sex, not until I first arrived in England in 2002. The twelve or thirteen year old school kids would have sex in the restrooms. The girls would use tons of make-up before they even turn 14. I was shocked, but not in a conservative way. It was just because, in Germany, the kids don’t usually get their first kiss until they’re 15 or 16. Usually that is. That was the moment I started to hate the British youth. Could have been envy in a way, I don’t exactly know. But also jealousy because back then my ex felt attracted to those kids, he must’ve had the same mentality as they did, I don’t know. Or it was a way for him to escape his actual mentality. And I still can’t believe I used to feel bad about myself, I felt like an old outsider, so I started dressing like a young mosher myself.  For a while I even identified myself with moshers, but I never really fitted in there. My indifference came a lot later.

The German youth didn’t become like that, not until about 2005 or 2006, I guess, that was when first noticed twelve year olds starting to look like 15 year olds. I don’t know. Maybe the kids have always been that way and it used to be an underground movement and only now they’ve become brave enough to present themselves on the surface. And maybe I do sound conservative. Did I just call it a movement?

I think I’d been a child up till I was about 15. My teenage years began when I was 16 and ended when I was about 22. Spätentwickler is the German term.  Still I wonder where my youth has gone. Burn, you youth from today, burn. I am just jealous that you’re young and in love. Took me a while to realize I couldn’t be the same as you. Masturbation mit 11, erster Kuss mit 16, Sex im Alter von 18 ½ und Marihuana mit 23. And you still call me impatient. But ok, Buk used to say that life is about waiting – nothing but waiting. At the age of 11, 12, 13, 14 I had only spent my precious time writing – fucking writing over twenty attempted novels! That was a period in my life. Oh, at least Johnny Rotten came along.

Nabokov knew. How much I hate what Humbert does, he actually defends himself appropriately. He is the victim nonetheless, so you have to feel sorry for him (a good way to avoid feeling sorry for yourself). I don’t know what to say about Lo. And before I start writing biased stuff, I’d rather not comment at all. (But shit, she reminds me of Ellen, except that Ellen has more heart.) Humbert didn’t do anything! Why would a pedophile even CARE about being a parent (even in a possessive way)?
The youth is evil.

I hope this is the last time I ever speak about the rotten youth.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *