Lynch caressing my crimson velvet

So many cars are coming from wrong directions. Is my inattentiveness, when crossing roads, being accompanied by luck? No. – Instinct. Instinct and thoughtlessness. My weak ears, but strong inner eye.  Still, what a thoughtless thing to do.

I felt exceptionally cold in bed last night although the temperatures have risen again the last couple of days. Even though I know the cause of this coldness, I’m glad that it has taken away my appetite. Eating is so barbaric when you are besotted, confused and full of shit. Though, singing to myself ‘Why bother, it’s gonna hurt me!’ is so wrong. Wrong and ten times more – wrong. Only just now I have gained more optimism. Good thing about how I’m feeling at the moment is that I don’t dig the sight of sweets. I haven’t felt like that since that selfish Dane two years ago.

How to stop a chemical reaction? How to stop myself from getting attached to auras and the mystery that effervesces from their words and hand gestures? I think I know what I fear. I also think that I overestimated myself with my confidence and self determination.

Maybe people don’t change, but the older you get, the more scared and more critical you become, and you are still the same person. Your perception changes, your confidence plays nasty games with you.

It’s time to share the opening of my novel again with the next tutor. I prefer it this way, having your work checked by one person first and then you move on to the next. What happened yesterday was too much for my head.  I didn’t manage to take anything in due to the speed of spoken words or let’s put it this way: I took way too much in that I sort of had to dump it all straight after. This is not how my head works.  I am open minded, but not thaaat open-minded, especially when not being given time to take things in smoothly.

Overall it’s people’s tendency to overanalyze. All these left-brainers… all looking for logic and reason. Sometimes you are not supposed to control a story, especially when it’s breathing.

Thanks to music and the inner P. dancing sexily, I have managed to re-gain my indifference and optimism. This is how fast I get over things nowadays? Well, all I need is a Pall Mall cigarette – menthol, please. It’s been a while.

If I was somewhere in the gutters I would abandon this nervousness and then make him dance with me to Lou Reed underneath the disco ball.

And let it happen…’forever till the end of time’…

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