When a fool creates

Thanks for reading my latest piece of fiction; I was surprised about the hits on my blog. Thank you. And, no. No, it’s not autobiographical, no. Also, I never studied medicine, either. Would I be booking coaches at a travel agency if I had studied medicine? I guess so, because patients would have died on my table and you’re right, life’s too short to be collecting more guilty conscience. I’m still attempting to eliminate them on paper. They slip through my fingertips.

Do you know why writers have it so bad? Did you know that when Bukowski wrote the screenplay for Barfly, he pretty much earned nothing? Fucking Mickey Rourke got the most money for simply pretending to be Buk on the screen.  Throughout my entire life I’ve refused to put my belief in pretense. But acting is art; it depends on how it comes across and how you view it. To me, acting is not creation, but it helps in distributing the creation and it gives the creation a universal identity.
The way you approach that piece of creation is also a huge matter as it tells us about you. At least it should. I liked someone a year ago who was fascinated by creations and studied them like there was nothing better to do. He would debate about their meanings, analyse the creator’s intentions and apply the values to the world that we live in, but never would he tell me what those creations meant to him, how they shaped him and what he wanted out of them. All I knew was that he was running away from something, but most of all he was creating something. The only pity was that he didn’t show it to me.  He was a number 3, therefore one of the creative.

Do you prefer odd or even numbers? Odd numbers, of course. Imagine they’re people and you pair them up. One of them will always stand out and that’ll be you, because you suck.
You suck because you believe in something greater. You were born to think for yourself, have your own way and delve in your creativity, as you believe we are here to create and share.
But why of all people, is the creator the one who is alone? Of course you accuse him of pushing people away and that it’s his own fault, but here it goes, you’re the one that lacks of understanding. You know shit about this person’s needs. I admit he is not easy to deal with, but he has energies to release and if you get too close those energies will harm you. He knows it. Can you not see that he is only trying to protect you from him, you blind fuck? Of course not, the creative are the most selfish of all people.

Maybe I should set my quest to finding the stranger who secretly drew me at the cafe upstairs at Foyle’s. For a moment I felt special. I wondered whether I should sit still or play with my hair. That was a nice conversation; conversation through observatory power. Talking is overrated. If only you knew.

Or maybe I shall simply continue dreaming about good looking men who do not speak. Another quest of mine is to go to Montreal to find a guy called Matt whose surname is unknown to me. The only things I know about him is that he is Cancerian, too, and that he builds a tent in less than five minutes. The only thing he left me was the collection of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which I still haven’t read. Sometimes I look through each page to check whether he has left me any notes. He was one of the few who looked at me and understood me right away.

They say I have the tendency to set goals that are out of reach. Don’t you understand? What’s going to happen once you’ve attained your goal which was only within arm’s length? How can you be so unadventurous? Get married and stay the fuck away from me.  Dreams are to remain dreams, but you’re supposed to keep looking for them. I don’t know what the fuck people are talking about. If a dream comes true it’s never the way you expected it to be. It’s the feeling of yearning that counts and NOT fulfillment because it doesn’t exist. A human being is a creature that wants it all. The less we get the better. Give the child a toy and it will want another.
Create something that you cannot be and there you go you have a dream, a fool’s dream, which will outlive everything before getting forever lost.

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