Sky tonight

There is no room to accommodate tiredness and sometimes you can escape it by merely keeping yourself busy with whatever interests you.

I’m currently charging well. Plug in the music, connect it with my soul and life is back.

The words are back.

 

I get scared of my own smile sometimes, especially when it happens in public and I forget the reason of the smile. That’s an awkward moment as the muscles in the face go stiff and funny as though embarrassed.

 

I can smell autumn, that’s the only reason why I seem happy to you recently. Other than that you don’t know the slightest thing about this face.

 

The year has gone by rather quickly, it feels like it’s tomorrow that I have to hand in my thesis. And when thinking about it, I get nervous.

Ellen has been waiting. She wants to re-experience the fucks just to make sure I didn’t miss anything internal.

I didn’t miss anything.

There’s just something else that I have to work on. And I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t know how.

 

And whenever I feel like asking her for forgiveness, I feel odd. Who am I to ask? She chose that path herself. Or maybe I’m just attempting to shrug off the guilty conscience, for I have given her life.

 

My fingers and nails smell funny; somewhat like disinfectant and body lotion, which is a very unpleasant mix and it kind of defamiliarises me from this place. Why my hands are in the constant need of cleansing, I don’t know. I didn’t do anything bad, not that I know of anyway. And yet I can’t dodge this presentiment that I will commit something nasty.

 

A sentiment that keeps one up at night.

 

Tiredness has gone for a long walk this time.

 

For the sky tonight is beautiful.

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