Cardiff blues II – Writings from Room 1406

I have to say that it was one of the worst night sleeps that I’ve ever had in my life. I don’t remember waking up so often in the middle of the night. Usually it’s to go to the loo, but last night I just got out of bed and stood up for no particular reason. I just stood there and wondered what initiated me to do so. Did I dream something?


Also there was something in the bed that gave me a horrendous headache throughout the night. Probably the room wasn’t anti-allergy, the carpet and bed are full of mites or maybe I just didn’t know how to sleep in a king-size bed. I had a similar problem before when I first started sleeping in a double bed. Last night I felt somewhat agoraphobic, so I tried to sleep diagonally…but it was awkward for my spine. And sleeping naked in such a huge bed makes a girl vulnerable, especially when having period during the harvest moon. My hands were constantly searching for a weapon underneath the pillow. God, I hate that bed.


I guess I miss my single bed at home. In fact, the last time I managed to sleep deeply was at home back in March. I remember the time when I used to sleep till noon, no matter when my bedtime was.


Maybe all I need is a pat on my head by my family. I’ve been thinking about them a lot.


I always feel guilty when thinking that way, although I know they are the only people in my life who do not resent me for being who I am. They know that whenever I come back to recharge I will leave again afterwards, I always leave.  If you did that to a spouse, s/he will never forgive you for that. Thus, why people decide to settle down, I will never understand. Of course you want someone to look after you once you’ve grown old, but me? I will not grow old.


I will never grow old.


I shall see what else there is to discover in Cardiff. Today I will have company, a good friend from the time as an undergraduate will join me. It’s Sunday morning, we shall go to church and repent our sins and afterwards repeat the things that give us joy.



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