French

Covering the French tours gives me an opportunity to practise and yet, I am too shy to speak French with the French. It’s a beautiful language, one of my favourite languages where pronunciation is easy, the sounds elegant and not much spit required to speak. I’m just not much of a grammar person and I find tenses very confusing. It makes me sad if I have to speak in past or future tense, especially in another language, because I become more aware of time. In English nothing matters, it all falls in one place, but in German, French, Chinese, I feel entirely unsettled.

 

In my latest dream I was climbing up stairs. I was speaking a mixture of German and French. GOD I’M GETTING SO IMPATIENT.

 

I’m not a person that waits, I’m not a person that let things drag on, I’m not a person that speaks much, I’m not a person of no reason, I’m not a person that sleeps much, I’m not a person that fakes a smile, I’m not a person that falls easily, I’m not a person that dates, I’m not a person that takes anything for granted, I’m not a person that puts the lid down, I’m not a person that follows instructions, I’m not a person that always calls back, I’m not a person that says it first, I’m not a person that gives much shit, I’m not a person that wears much in bed, I’m not a person that will give birth, I’m not a person of no plot, I’m not a person that makes the first move on someone, I’m not a person that will settle down, I’m not a person that wants to lose count on the guys she’s shagged, I’m not a person that likes to share, I’m not a person that makes promises, I’m not a person that chews on pens, I’m not a person that always knows how to breathe, I’m not a person that asks for anything, I’m not a person that you know…

 

And you wonder why wasting thoughts on things that you are not while you know who you are and there is nothing you can do about it other than accept?

It’s because all the things that you are not are what you can be on paper. It’s just a way of making dreams come true and have something to masturbate on without feeling lonely and useless. The next woman on paper will be French.

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