No “I”

Feeling elevated and somewhat strong and maybe a little bit manic, but remarkably optimistic, despite the high level of exhaustion in my chest and yet my head is more active than usual. Ironic as there is this inability to construct a decent spoken sentence.


How sad to cry after seeing someone again after many, many months, I don’t know what it was, but it felt good, because I recollected my actual strengths and ambitions. So it was a cry of joy, I’m sure.

And yet, people are scared of other’s people’s depth, which I understand, I’d prefer them to back off instead of plunging into delirium with me. No need for them to understand it either. You just ask them to keep your head over water, don’t ask for more. And there is no need to understand either, as long as they know. Don’t speak of it. Ever. It was my mistake in first place.

I forgot that a feeling cannot be mutual, I forgot because the beauty of illusion makes you forget a lot of things. I’m just sorry.


In last night’s dream I was dancing with someone. I don’t know who he was, but I didn’t like how he was touching my back – in a way as though he was looking to steal my weapon – the weapon for whenever I am in danger. Well, it could have been sheer paranoia or simply a sign of trust issues. I don’t have trust issues and in my defense I don’t know who he was.


And then the walls began to fall apart. I think there was an earthquake…

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