Detached II (and incoherence)

Maybe I’ve changed my mind and wanna go to Argentina instead? Down the Devil’s Throat for cleansing…

 

Detachment at its best. I’m looking for a place to appropriately excise this inner heat. I have heat to give away, anyone? Why would you need it, it’s almost summer…

If you know any other healthy channel of release I’d love to hear it. Whisper it to me.

Are you cold?

Then let’s coalesce and together we form the whole sexy picture!

 

Goddamn.

I swear to God last letter to God was not a prayer!

 

Why do I make everything dirty?

My friend says I have a tendency to make good men turn bad. It seems.

Kindness against kindness results in bad? All seen before. No strength to try again and give what I don’t need.

 

Sometimes it feels like the only person I lie to is myself. There is an error in the phrase ‘You get what you give’.

There’s no proof that you’re not alone. I remember Donnie Darko saying something similar to his therapist. I remember saying it to my fictional characters and they said it was all just imagination. Imagination and soliloquy. What you imagine is not real.

Maybe it’s best to just succumb to the lie and forget about the rest. The truth, which lies beneath has become irrelevant. I’m too tired to care, too disconnected to re-engage.

 

On yesterday’s journey I was going backwards, now that I am going forward I am a bit scared. I’m tired, exhausted, finding it hard to breathe. So hard to breathe…

 

I mustn’t forget that I’m in my golden years and that I need to hang on for a little while.

Out of this labyrinthine shopping centre.

Hate my room so much I spent the night at the uni library? Happens.

 

I got the letter of introduction and I appear so careless, ha. I don’t feel anything at present. Although I long to feel and speak. Something new. No more reruns of the past. Some fires have gone out, as though there is something out there that knows what’s better for me. But don’t you think that after 27 years I should know better?  I seem to have lost the plot of this story tonight. Lost it and lost it again.

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