Rolling wheels

I feel far away from home, both homes.

The moment I embarked on the boat I felt slightly off balance and prayed that I would not get motion sickness. The last long ferry/boat cruise was from Helsinki to Tallinn, (which was in 2008).

As long as I remained outside on the top deck I was fine, while certain motions inside the boat were very unpleasant.

As we left the harbor, I felt like there was no more solid ground to stand on, however, I knew that if I continued racking my brains over it, I’d definitely get sick, so I distracted myself by focusing on the great views and listened to the captain’s commentary. All was easy; the mesmerizing beauty did the job. The lovemaking otters nearby the harbor put a great smile on my face…

As soon as the harbor receded into the distance I began thinking about home and all this way that I’ve travelled just to be on my own. I don’t necessarily like being alone; it’s just something that I need to do (in fact, as much as I can). The main reason for this being…

I need to stay strong. I don’t ever want to forget how to look after myself. I don’t want to be dependent on anyone. And most significantly, I don’t ever want to lose connection to myself, which happens way too easily and frequently. On another note, I don’t want to be afraid if I should ever die alone.

So far, the Alaskan sun has beaten the Calgarian and desert sun. It’s the first time this summer that I got sunburnt, on my nose of all places. Though, I was lucky to have a bright sunny day during the cruise, however despite warm clothing, the wind was unbearably cold. So you either go back inside or stay outside in the sun. I caught a tan line from my sunglasses and I’ve noticed new freckles that weren’t there before. I curse them every day.

I met people by doing activities, such as signing up for a day hike and going on a cruise. Two great people in a week, it’s sufficient, isn’t it? I don’t intend to party in Alaska at all, not until I go to Alaska’s little sister’s – Texas.

It’s gonna be a complete different world.

I’ll be heading to Fairbanks in an hour, which is apparently a very quiet place and you can’t get anywhere without a car. Not entirely sure if I want to rent a car or not. Shall see if I find someone with a vehicle, otherwise I’ll rent a bike, but if the weather’s terrible (rain forecast pretty much all week) I might even get a car. My main plan is to visit the library and the Chena River, and if someone’s heading to the hot springs, I would like to join, too.

On Friday I’ll be heading to the Denali National Park, where my tent awaits me. I’ve not been sleeping well and yet I believe I am relaxed, because I am not stressed, which means I am less hungry, too. Having my period on my holiday is nauseating, and I just ran out of tampons.

I always get lost in the city, no matter what its size is; I almost have no sense of orientation and yet I want to drive alone, but I don’t know whether my concentration is up for this challenge.

I’m about to embark on the plane. The only soothing thing right now is Chris Cornell’s voice in my ears.

There’s something about boats and planes that throw me off balance, that make me feel I’m no longer walking on solid ground and everything is floating. All I can do is distract myself or pretend that I am dreaming. You never know where you are standing in your dreams. The other night I felt like I was sleeping on water and on planes I feel like I’m hiking through clouds – one of the main reasons why I didn’t go all the way up the Flattop Mountain. I don’t have the need to reach the peak of anything. There are also other ways to get lost. Clouds and fogs are really not necessary. I am very Dickensian in this aspect. There are enough uncertainty, confusion and secrets here.

Rolling wheels and turbines. Feeling kinda dizzy…

And still, I must go. Soon enough, I’ll be behind the wheel.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *