Taiga

This state talks a lot about the positive aspects of natural destruction, i.e. how natural fire caused by lightening destroys all the high standing spruces. That way all the willows can grow easily in the sun and moose can feed on them.

 

In a metaphorical way there’s something out there that can burn away all the dark layers covering me? Another question is, what is hidden in my woods that would attract people and make them happy?

 

Looking at the Alaskan nature I see some red and yellow already; it’s not long till fall. Someone told me they have short autumn seasons lasting only ten days maximum. The birch trees will turn yellow and you’ll see some red here and there, but very soon they’ll all be covered in snow.

That’s nowhere near enough time to mourn over the leaves…!

I’m someone who needs an extended time of reflection. You can’t just cover things up without reflecting upon them first. It’s harvest time, and it’s your responsibility to dispose of the dead bodies.

 

The sight of some burnt down woods with nothing but dead spruces revealed some scenes of a former recurring dream where I entered a dead forest to find some life.

 

On Wednesday I saw two dragonflies making love in the air. And a week ago two sea otters were making love in the water. And a bumblebee was making love to a flower in the mountains…

 

He has no idea how lucky I feel to have him and how hard it is to admit it. It’s not until you spend time alone that you appreciate certain things a lot more. But you’ll always need a certain amount of solitary pastimes in order to remove all these unpleasant thoughts and emotions gathered from stress and other (self-inflicted) things. Then you look to regain assurance by disconnecting yourself from everything and everyone but you.

There’s too much fear, the fear of destruction, the inability to accept destruction and the lack of motivation to start all over again. The fear that once you’ve reached a certain age you can no longer look at Sisyphus, who is on your right, rolling up the boulder.

 

I’m scared of being tired, not being able to get out of bed and do stuff. All you have to do is force yourself out of bed, even if not working.

Today I reached the top of the Taiga Mountain and I’ve changed from delirium to delight. I found the balance of mind and body. (For a few hours.)

The girl in the mountain was looking down at the river. Something felt right.

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