damn

The new year has only just begun, and I’m already under time pressure. I need to get my driver’s license and sort out my plans for returning to England. Also, I want to get on with my writing and start reading again. I’m spending too much time revising for my theory test. I failed it two weeks ago, which was entirely my fault because I hadn’t studied enough. I wish I were calmer and relaxed. I’m becoming stupid–in the sense of thinking slowly and having trouble comprehending. It could be the pills and the lack of focus. Plus, I’m a terrible driver in general. I’ve had driving lessons since August 2008, and my driving instructor hasn’t even taken me to the motorway yet. But to be honest, I don’t trust myself enough to do that. If you have ever seen how SpongeBob drives–that’s pretty much me.

Anyway, this will be an exciting month: Theory test, Alkaline Trio, and The Haunted interview.

In some ways, I must say I’m happy that 2008 is over, but I still haven’t let it go. Maybe I’m not quite ready for a new beginning, even though I long for it. It’s the same as falling in love or starting a diet. I have a new motto, which is to have fun whenever possible. And do my best to live life to the fullest. The only thing that worries me is money since I’ll need it to go back to England. Unfortunately, my bank account is empty and my current job at the supermarket won’t fill it any time soon. How did I end up here?

As you can see, I’m still a wreck because I turned to my family. Then I look at my cousin, who has a full-time job as a saleswoman. She gained an online degree, which means she studied from home, whereas I travelled to another country to get my degree. I didn’t do it for the degree; I did it for the experience. I used to wonder which one was more valuable: experience or money.

Anyway, I need to set goals in life. Immediately. It’s hard to maintain time and patience as my friends. Or maybe I shouldn’t plan at all because nothing ever turns out the way you expect it.

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