Chrissie Christ pose

I hate deciding whether the day is good or bad right after the driving lesson. I admit I’m scared of failing, and the past couple of lessons have been horrid.

We drove for 45 min instead of 1h 30 min. I get over-exhausted quickly when driving because I focus really hard. I’m still not used to roundabouts, and curves are scary. I wonder when I’ll be doing the practical exam. I hope before summer because I’ve had enough of driving. I want to have it over with ASAP.

Since I’ve quit the tablets, I feel more relaxed. My mind’s not blocked anymore, and I can’t stop writing my mind down. Many creative thoughts and pictures appear in my head, and I’ve started to pay attention to them and care about them. The only bad thing is that I have trouble sleeping again. My eyes are wide open as soon as I lay down. It takes me up to three hours to fall asleep, and I keep waking up in the middle of the night. I’ve been dreaming more than usual too. The dreams are usually the cause of waking up. Not because they are disturbing, but because they are loud for some reason. The noises in my dreams keep waking me up.

Nine Inch Nails are playing at the Hurricane Festival. The last time they played was in 2005. That’s where I got to know some awesome Canadian guy. He even left me his collection of The Hitchhiker’s Trilogy (which I still haven’t read). His name was Matt, and I often think about him. I don’t know why. I hate the fact that we never swapped emails or numbers. All I know is that he’s from MontrĂ©al and that he’s ace at setting up tents. (Which Canadian wouldn’t be?) It doesn’t take him more than five minutes. I hope he’s alright and that I’ll meet him again (well, I don’t know how high the chances are). That’s a perfect example of people coming into your life and then disappear a few minutes later. But if you haven’t forgotten them, they are special.

Canada is definitely on my list, especially the French part, so I want to freshen up my French again.

I want to stand on my feet, take a deep breath, stretch out my arms, and look at the sky. And in three days, I will be a different person–a better and stronger person.

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