Isn’t it weird that there are moments you choose to freeze? It’s not quite autumn yet, so wearing long sleeve cotton pyjamas would be too warm. Therefore, you pick some random medium-sized t-shirt, and you wear nothing else except that and panties. Of course, the window is open, but the door is closed because others are trying to sleep. Yes, it’s kind of cold, but why should it bother you?
I have this urge to stay away from people, particularly those who have a birthday coming up and want to celebrate. It’s exhausting. When will people stop that? I went to Ali’s birthday on Friday because the party might turn out well for me and maybe I would get to know some people. Fuck that. All drunks and smokers. My eyes were burning. Smoking indoors is a terrible thing. This guy (mid-thirties maybe – perfect age, but not my type) was chatting with some of my acquaintances. He eyed me. I knew he wanted to talk to me, but I stuck around with Pete most of the time, partly because I didn’t want that guy to approach me.
What do I fucking want from these people? I don’t like talking to anyone at parties. What will they remember? Besides, I don’t drink, and I don’t smoke indoors. Why do people enjoy house parties? I don’t think I would’ve gone there if Pete hadn’t. He enjoys to socialise, but like me, he doesn’t drink. Basically, we both were the only ones who didn’t get into the same kind of drunken mood like everyone else. If you force me to drink, you can fuck off. Fucking hell, I wish my body was able to bear the effect of alcohol. And I wish I loved the taste of it, but I don’t. If that bothers you, tell me to go. As simple as. I don’t want to know how many people will blame alcohol for certain things that night. If you ever blame the alcohol for something like cheating or throwing up, you’re a fucking wanker. It’s pathetic. Damn you.
I’m very picky about the people I choose in general. I like my friends and people neutral, open with strong personalities. People who don’t keep secrets from me, don’t mess with me and don’t lie to me. Honesty and openness–all that shit. I don’t value reliability in friendship anymore because I’m not someone to count on, either. However, it doesn’t mean that I don’t try.
The idea of friendship has stirred up a lot lately. I think there are times where I shouldn’t take it to heart, just sit back and wait. It’s not always my business what others are up to. But it becomes my business when I find out that my trust and belief in that person have been abused. And still, you have to keep your mouth shut sometimes. The only reason why I’m keeping mine shut right now is that I don’t care enough.
Do what the fuck you want. I no longer chase people. I’ve shown many times that I care. I just don’t want to be the one that gets the short end of the fucking stick anymore. Sort yourself out.
I find it essential that people know what they want. Important to note is that it’s not what you want that counts; what counts is what is GOOD for you. The more you know what’s good for you, the more you need to pursue it. I can’t handle people who are blind inside.
I judge what I see, observe and experience when I’m affected by it. If I let you tell me your opinion, you fucking listen to mine.
People make me tired.