At the end of the day, no one gets it anyway, and I’m tired of losing my temper over it. It always leads back to me being “too nice,” but all I want is appreciation. Trust me; I do want to be kind and assure people that I’m thinking about them. This is why I still help. I attempt to organize something nice for them…but I don’t feel like it. I’m not ready, and I’m sick of pretending. What I eventually get are lies and unshared secrets!
I’m sick of fucking explaining and making a useless effort, yet I keep doing it. Oh why! Is it pressure or maybe the fear of losing them? I don’t know. I’m very controversial. I think it’s because I have loads of opinions that aren’t fixed. After all, I’m not the one that grows apart from people; it’s THEM! And somehow, I can’t deal with it. I will stop being nice; it’s too hard to be good to certain people, especially when they don’t see your kindness or when they don’t show appreciation.
The earth is heating up, and so am I from within. It’s a matter of time when I’ll be angry enough to drown everyone. But I don’t want to eliminate winter. Why does everything I want have such a terrible side effect, for fuck’s sake?
How I hate my blog posts. Just fuck me already.
I said something misogynistic yesterday. I said I would never go to a female gynecologist or psychiatrist. It sounds wrong when you say it out loud. But come on, ladies, sticks and stones.
Ever heard of people who can read your aura? I met a lady in England who could tell whether positive or negative energies surround you. I regret that I never asked her what she saw in me.