Just already

At the end of the day, no one gets it anyway, and I’m tired of losing my temper over it. It always leads back to me being “too nice,” but all I want is appreciation. Trust me; I do want to be kind and assure people that I’m thinking about them. This is why I still help. I attempt to organize something nice for them…but I don’t feel like it. I’m not ready, and I’m sick of pretending. What I eventually get are lies and unshared secrets!

I’m sick of fucking explaining and making a useless effort, yet I keep doing it. Oh why! Is it pressure or maybe the fear of losing them? I don’t know. I’m very controversial. I think it’s because I have loads of opinions that aren’t fixed. After all, I’m not the one that grows apart from people; it’s THEM! And somehow, I can’t deal with it. I will stop being nice; it’s too hard to be good to certain people, especially when they don’t see your kindness or when they don’t show appreciation.

The earth is heating up, and so am I from within. It’s a matter of time when I’ll be angry enough to drown everyone. But I don’t want to eliminate winter. Why does everything I want have such a terrible side effect, for fuck’s sake?

How I hate my blog posts. Just fuck me already.

I said something misogynistic yesterday. I said I would never go to a female gynecologist or psychiatrist. It sounds wrong when you say it out loud. But come on, ladies, sticks and stones.

Ever heard of people who can read your aura? I met a lady in England who could tell whether positive or negative energies surround you. I regret that I never asked her what she saw in me.

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