My attempt to sound like Charles Bukowski (letter to Ellen)

“Ellen, oh Ellen,

I wonder why on earth am I worthy of drinking beer with the skeletons in your closet.

Did I say skeletons? I’m sorry, there is just one – a bad one, and he has almost consumed all my beer in the fridge. You can say he is a very demonic fellow, but it’s not me he wants to talk to. So how about, my dear Ellen, trap him? He knows something about you, and he knows that you are dying to find out, but you lack the courage to let him pursue you. Or maybe he is pursuing you, but you have no interest in paying attention. Why, dear Ellen, why?

I lied again; there are actually two demonic skeletons. And you have to invite both in. I don’t know who you let inside your apartment, but you have dangerous things to chat about and believe me, you are strong enough to win this argument. You women have always been stronger, plus, you whip us, men, with unimaginable words. I do resent you for having passed this demonic device on to me, but I am grateful for your trust even though you talk to me like I am an academic, which I am not. Ellen, oh Ellen, I personally take no advantage of having the eyes open, but sometimes you have to be clear about other people’s intentions. There is one skeleton with horns that will destroy you if you don’t open your eyes, and the other skeleton with wings has its arms wide open for you, and you refuse to accept it.

You have the most exciting threesome, my lady. I felt flattered about your hidden message, but I am no saviour; I don’t even want to save me.

Please don’t lose your grip, as I have. A woman should never do worse than I. Don’t let your spirit leave your body when you make love.

The pain is over.


With all my love,


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