Lou Reed

So many cars are coming from the wrong directions. And I have a lack of attention when crossing roads. Why I haven’t got run over yet is a mystery. Perhaps I trust my instincts too much, or I’m just careless. I may have bad ears but a sharp inner eye. Still, it’s also foolish.

I was freezing in bed last night, although the temperature has gone up again in the last few days. Even though I know the cause of this numbing cold, I’m glad that it has taken away my appetite.

Eating is so barbaric when you are besotted, confused and full of shit. Though, singing to myself, ‘Why bother, it’s gonna hurt me!’ is wrong.

Only just now, I became more optimistic. The good thing about how I’m feeling now is that I don’t dig the sight of sweets. (Oxytocin galore.)

I haven’t felt like that since that prick of a Dane two years ago.

How do you stop a chemical reaction? How not be attracted to mysterious auras?

I think I know what I fear. I also think that I overestimated my confidence and self-determination.

People don’t change, but the older you get, the more scared and more critical you become, and you are still the same person. Your perception changes, your confidence plays nasty games with you.

It’s time to share the opening of my novel again with the next teacher. I prefer it this way, having your work checked by one person and then moving on to the next. What happened yesterday was too much for my head. I couldn’t take in anything because they spoke too fast. Or I took way too much in that I sort of had to dump it right after. This is not how my head works. I’m open-minded but need time to take things in.

Overall, people tend to overanalyze. All these left-brainers… all looking for logic and reason. Sometimes you’re not supposed to control a story, especially when it’s breathing and needs space.

Thanks to music and my alter ego dancing, I have recovered some indifference and optimism. Is this how fast I get over things now? Well, I need is a Pall Mall cigarette – menthol. It’s been a while.

If I were somewhere in the gutters, I would abandon this nervousness and then make him dance with me to Lou Reed underneath the disco ball.

And let it happen…forever till the end of time.

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