Blood cells

It’s -8°C, and my hands are freezing. This is only the start, which is ok because the leaves will now freeze underneath, and I no longer have to worry about them. I don’t remember how long it takes for them to decompose, but they’ll go eventually.

It’s at least 23°C here in Starbucks. My head’s warm with John Mayer in my ears, but I’m skipping to Weezer, a song telling me not to bother; it’s gonna hurt me. But not bothering is boring, so I’ll jump headlong into this chapter of Part two. That way, I can keep things pretty as they are now. Never fear anything that might be good for you.
Collective Soul, Stone Sour — minor keys are the major keys to my cerebral cortex, steering my perceptual awareness toward a light that reminds me it’s time to wake up.

It’s -7°C, and my scalp’s killing me; I think it’s bleeding.

But all I wanted was sunshine in the cold.

Craving a Pepe cigarette, but it takes a cigarette bud two years to decompose, and I feel guilty for all those I’ve tossed to the ground in the past. I even feel guilty for wanting to drop one on the ground right now.

Last night I was too deep inside my head that it felt like the dream in which God had swallowed my soul. You remember the scene in Happiness in Slavery where Bob Flanagan looked at himself in the mirror and his image just receded into the distance? It was like the mirror took away your existence–human junk–just words and so much skin.

There’s nothing that scares me more than that. And you’re hearing this from an agnostic existentialist. There’s no real principle behind this belief; it’s just a prop, distraction, nothing more. Perhaps even a lie; a lie you would find hard to hang on to if you weren’t into fiction.

As for my heart surgeon and her belief in anatomy and the physical, it’s the red sea that defines life…not religion or philosophy. We are cells that work every second…they work hard to keep you going no matter how badly you treat them.

So the next time you debate about what’s good in this world, it’s not just one’s goodwill, as Kant puts it, but one’s blood cells.

I think I’ve warmed up now.

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