Without a pen

I’m at Sunterra with my journal but have no pen, which sucks. It’s better to write to you in your absence, which is why I came here. I also didn’t want to disturb your sleep. Never seen you so exhausted.

I’m sipping at a very nice Chinese green tea and will do some shopping afterwards and get you something sweet to eat and a grande cup of latte.

There’s nothing to question about my kindness; there is no reason for it, and I’m not expecting anything back either; I never did with anyone.

You were so happy to see me, and I was happy to see you; nevertheless, you were more there than me. You had more to say than I did, too. I mainly heard nice sounds in my head that I couldn’t hum to you.

I’m no good at registering some moments, no matter if good or bad. Sometimes I don’t register until the next day. In other cases, it had taken me a decade to realise something. Not too sure where my mind is most of the time, and I can’t stop feeling guilty for a mind that keeps drifting away.

Now knowing my alter ego, do you believe that she could’ve been saved? You think all that happened because she wouldn’t admit that she was in love? She spent too much time playing with her scars…

I didn’t notice today that we’ve been having an extra hour of sunshine–since when is this? It’s a shame that you fell asleep, maybe I should’ve dragged you out instead, but I guess that if I had done so, I would’ve never written these words…

But you deserve to rest.

I just came here to hide my face for a while. Just one of those days, you know.

They’ll ask you how your holiday was. If I were in your position, it’d be too much for me to take.

I’m glad, too, that I hopped on the plane and came back. Just simply because you had something to look forward to when coming back from your vacation, I don’t remember anyone being so happy to see me.

It means a lot that makes me feel more there and less see-through. It reminds me that I’m walking on solid ground.

OK, I’ve finished the tea, time to wake you up. We’ve got an hour left of sunshine.

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