I guess I never had a healthy relationship in the past where we had to deal with compromises. We never got that far. And I don’t seem to compromise well, either. I am…selfish. Or I’m scared of constantly giving and giving without getting anywhere like ten years ago. It’s almost like I’m wholly ruled by fear and insecurity. Well, I suppose I was. But I should know better now. I should know that it’s primarily about “us” and not “I” or “You,” especially not if we want the future to be us. I insist on an exception, though. If the future is near and we’re still with no plan, I will make my own plan. I understand if the partner’s circumstances are different and require more time, but when it’s too late, it’s too late. I don’t let anything get there in the first place. There is no “too late” in my book. And I certainly have no patience to wait if waiting is not necessary. I have circumstances, too. I booked a flight home to avoid burnout and a going-crazy moment. I applied for my work & holiday for Australia before I turn 31. I don’t wait, especially if all can be done within a day. Ok, it did take me a lot of thought about going back home until I realized that I’ve been doing nothing here except ignoring the perception that I need to go home. There is nowhere else to go once my tourist visa finishes. It’s not certain that we will get residency soon after applying in January if submitting it in January. Too many things are still unclear, and it takes two people to clear it up.

Here, I made the first step.

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