You may be too ashamed to share a particular sentiment because all your fellow artist friends are happy, and you wonder how they manage to maintain that happiness. However, what do emoticons and photographs really say anyway?
A friend once said that he and you are the same, except that he was the better actor. Why would you want life to be about acting, though? Is that the only way to blend in and be accepted? When you deal well with people, you’re a born extrovert – not just that – you have a gift of a lifetime. You are who you are and a likeable person. Every person is who they are, and if you ever want to change yourself for the better, you will need time, and it might take years. Patience. Effort. Willpower. Not everyone will wait for you, though. Unfortunately, there will be days you fail during the process. You are simply you, and people see through you, and they judge you. How many people have told you that you lack confidence? Teachers, supervisors, psychiatrists and friends…
You don’t even try to explain anymore. They don’t get it. They don’t know you. You know for a fact that nobody knows you; moreover, they do not care what you love, you decided to work for them. They need you for what makes them function, and that’s all that matters. You get paid for it too.
And because you suck at most of the assigned tasks, you watch this mountain of ‘You Suck’ grow bigger while starting to forget what you’re actually good at. Because you don’t really do that anymore. In fact, you’re no longer sure if you’re still good at what you thought you were good at.
It’s all about paying the bills in the end–money.
“Money is the root of all evil.”
It makes you dependent, depressed and disillusioned. You go where the money flows, and that’s the problem. It ruins everything, friendships included. And you spend years looking for a way out. It doesn’t feel good having someone paint your weaknesses all over your face, right? But it feels good reading out a piece of fiction in front of a like-minded audience, doesn’t it? It feels good talking to a good friend for hours and knowing that you’re not such a negative person after all.
What can you do to make good things happen more often? Quit your job? Move away? Cancel contracts? Book a random flight? Do more Yoga? Meditation? Perhaps. But if you don’t have any savings, you need to work.
Bite through it, plan ahead, but you bite through it for most of the time until your plan is ready for execution. But what is your plan?
Something dangerous seeps through the surface; the mask of sanity that you borrowed slips. This is when you have to remember that you’re not alone; there is a second person – she hinges on your faith in fiction, as that is the only way to make everyone see the validity of that sentiment that no one understands in real life.