My left arm is numb

Do you have friends that complain about you not getting in touch, but they see you active on social media?

You are honest with them and tell them how stressed you are with work, life and family, etc. However, they don’t know that you have no nerve and focus left to relax and chill out. You feel numbed out and start going on social media because most of the time, it doesn’t require you to think; you just scroll.

Smart people would do crosswords and keep the brain working, but I don’t. I want a bullet through my head sometimes, and that’s what social media does in a way. There is more hope in a cigarette.

I can’t just spare a minute or even one hour to writing or reading. I need two weeks to get into the realm of my creativity. I’ve tested it before. It’s the same as having a wound – it won’t heal within a day. I hate to say that it’s the same with writing and reading. Work, stress and other unhappy factors constitute you losing your mind. It takes time to recover. If you are sick with a cold, you need time to recover. It’s just like that…but not many people understand it. Everything is just spinning fast, and I’m doing my best not to throw up.

Did I say there was a solar eclipse today or yesterday? Eclipses used to interest me…just like concerts.

And all the things that I do now, such as taking responsibility, working hard, make me think what a selfish person I am on the inside. I view many things as time-sensitive. I no longer know how to seize the day. I believe that I’m merely patient by working hard towards something better. I don’t know how long this patience will last because the opposite of happiness is catching up. In the meantime, I remain sane through music and working out.

I’m sick of repeating myself all the time. There’s nothing to write home about anymore. What am I still doing…

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