Ever get this feeling that you want to hit a baseball bat against the wall? It doesn’t have to be a baseball bat; it could be your head. It probably won’t feel like much if you’ve taken 2.5 mg of THC and the entire surface of your body—your skin is vibrating pleasantly. If it was a successful shot, you should lay down and focus on something with eyes closed for a few minutes. The tingles on your limbs should have a calming effect on your mind. You feel safe and slightly elevated. That’s when you can analyze where you went wrong on that very day. Count to four as you breathe in and again as you exhale. You may cry, but who cares, if the reasons won’t make sense to anyone but you? What I’m trying to say is, THC helps you connect with your head, whereas remedy drops, and antidepressants just numb you out, and you feel nothing at all (speaking from experience).
I usually combine the 2.5 mg THC with 5 mg of CBD to help turn the THC into the magic potion that my head can handle.
Unfortunately, the consumption of weed is different for me each time I take it, as it depends on how I feel. Often, I fight the drowsiness, especially if I want to explore what’s going wrong inside of me. Depending on how far I want to go, I strip off my soul and listen to my funeral songs. It helps me face my mistakes sooner and accept them. And then I don’t have any more energy to walk another step.
We are not meant to be alone in our heads, but to some of us, that’s all we’ll ever know. If you do find a sense of belonging, it’s only ever real on the outside. Ten years ago, that was how I felt after the high of a joint—deep soberness sank in, and I could’ve easily cried. Now, my perception has changed, I don’t consume THC (or CBD) for pleasure, or fun anymore, but for stress and pain. It’s doing a great deal, despite my occasional sensitivity. However, it does not make me feel alive, but it helps me get there if I decide to. Call it motivation. And it has to be utilized when it’s there. No excuses. No distractions. Just you–doing your best to stay alive.