My friend called me from Thailand a few weeks back to send some positive vibes. She has always struck me as a strong, opinionated woman. I said that last year she went back home and spent almost nine months at a meditation retreat to work on herself. I wonder how many months or years I would need to work on myself.
I’ve always been an uncompromising loner who couldn’t spend enough time with her head. The last four to five months were tough; I’ve been more unlikable than one could ever imagine. The current circumstances don’t make anything easier.
Quarantine with others is not a vacation.
Before quarantine, the world was already an ADHD nation. It just got worse. You can tell by analyzing contemporary teen horror/slasher movies or romantic comedies for young adults. These people listen to absolutely dreadful music.
Twenty-five years ago, your parents would’ve said the same about your music, but as time flies and experimentation goes on, music will continue to disassociate itself from its roots. Therefore, it’ll only get worse.
Perhaps postmodernism has died, or the millennials have created their own version of it—nothing makes sense anymore. And you can’t blame ageing.
The ADHD nation hardly gives you any room to express how you feel, as people skip it by tapping forward.
During the Black Lives Matter movement, you share your experiences with racism. You now see how many publishing agencies encourage people of colour (BIPOC or POC) to send in queries and pitches. But they ultimately getting rejected.
I understand that political correctness (feminism, anti-racism, sexuality, etc.), no matter how extreme and angry, is necessary because white supremacy is done staying quiet and is expressing more anger every day. But people also have to read between the lines. When friendly but ignorant people asked me where I’d learned German, why I spoke German without an accent, I politely responded to them. Because I get angrier at actual racist acts where, for instance, an Asian girl is called a virus and gets punched in the face or pushed onto the rail tracks.
When my sister and I started taking driving lessons, our instructor jokingly said, “How am I supposed to distinguish you two?” You either get mad at that or at someone telling you to “fuck off home to China.”
Asians don’t understand Asians either. Tell them your family is from Hong Kong, but Hong Kong is nothing but China to them. They don’t see a fucking difference, as they don’t know what is going on in Hong Kong or China. You’re yellow, so you’re all the same. While you’re white, you’re a supremacist or a Nazi. In fact, since I’m German, how about call me a Nazi instead of a commie?
This will never end.
The ADHD nation will be brainwashed by propaganda on Facebook, which analyzes your digital behaviours. Your smartphone will tailor ads for you by screening your spoken keywords. By 2022, the government will have fully granted itself emergency powers and taken absolute control over us.
My friend called me again to remind me that fear doesn’t exist. If anything, it’s a sentiment that’s not permanent. The only way to tackle your fears, pain and anger is to separate these sentiments from the actual events and intensely observe these sentiments on their own. Eventually, these sentiments will fade.
But I’m not at that stage of meditation yet.