One of the worst feelings is when you fail yourself. You brand yourself a failure despite knowing that you can do better, however, under different circumstances. Every little sprinkle of optimism helps as long as the person conveys it right.
Did you realise that Saturn is in retrograde? I wasn’t paying much attention to it, but it dawned on me the other week. This retrograde has highlighted all the significant attributes to who I am and who I am not.
I was supposed to make a big decision, but I let the other party make it for me instead because it’s in my genes to continue working hard, not giving up until they let me go. Sometimes I’d rather have an IQ of 160 and be lazy like a mathematician. Unfortunately, that’s not me. I’m a passionate writer of fiction. Apparently, I have the skills for marketing that I should put into use if anyone needs it.
At least the nightmare of the last two weeks—where I’d proven myself incompetent—is over. I’d been stressed to the stomach, seeking answers and comfort in music, books, movies, or anything that I loved, but they weren’t providing me any joy because I wasn’t facing my problems.
During worse times, I reread Café Astrology to seek additional answers to certain extreme sentiments. And each time, their answers are spot on.
At last, today’s final answer was a great load off my mind. And the thought to take a week off and write whatever my heart desires makes me feel a whole lot better.
I still look for answers in the stars. With the moon getting closer to the earth, causing the water to rise, we will soon spend more time looking at the stars from the gutter anyway.
Other times, I find it soothing reading about suicide articles, i.e., about the 27 club. I thought to myself for a second that I was ten years too late. What else can you do to lower your anxiety levels? The answer should be easy, but it’s not. I’m a responsible person. I take responsibility for my decisions. So should you. Congratulate yourself if you’re a pro at not making poor decisions. In the end, I want to believe that there is a meaning behind every decision; therefore, none is ever “wrong.”
When I turned 27, I had put my life back in order and returned to university without suspecting any pitfalls despite the past. Yet, I might have been unconsciously terrified of things potentially going wrong. (My love life did cost me my distinction in 2007.)
Some of us try hard to switch our PTSD to a lesson learned instead. We tell ourselves that shit happens and that our anxieties are not permanent. Some of us succeed, whereas others continue to dwell in fear.
Some don’t learn from experience and continue to make poor choices. You need to put an end to that. It’s autumn after all.