This room has the flair of an operating theater, and I think I will stay. I have nowhere else to go. The halogen bulbs are nice and dim, throwing light on the examination table. However, the light does not reach me. There is a pool of blood forming in front of me, but I feel no pain. Perhaps it’s not me bleeding after all, but her. I believe that you can make your own God out of your very own blood. I close my eyes and see this beautiful child floating on the surface of the red sea. I have been there. It’s where I fell in love. She is staring at the sky, mapping out her future. I see how, in the future, she will grow up to a successful woman like me. Her father loves her very much, and yet he doesn’t know how she really feels. Unfortunately, I will never meet her, and I can’t tell her that I am sorry.
According to the map on the wall, there are four laboratories on this wing, and they’re all connected, but I haven’t got the energy to visit them all. At least I’ve made it into one of them. My heart rate is going down. There is not much blood left in the left ventricle to pump into the aorta.
My body is still fighting as I watch internally. I feel how it is compensating. It’s trying to maintain blood pressure by pumping whatever is left to my brain, heart, and lungs. It’s drawing away all the blood from my skin and my limbs. I have a conscience, after all, and it’s paying attention to what keeps me alive.
[Opening of Heart Like A Hold (c) 2017 PCD]