Since I started working full-time, there haven’t been many time gaps for personal writing and reading. I even agreed on an additional contractual position, which is project-to-project. Luckily, they’ve been cancelling and delaying projects which is fine because otherwise, I’d be working to a point I wouldn’t know who I was anymore.
Those who know me know that I’m a slow writer. It could take me a whole day to produce a single paragraph if I want it to be mind-blowing. One thing’s for sure, and if I continue doing what I’m doing with my life, I won’t be healthy or happy by the end of the year. For now, I have CBD to manage my stress level, but physically, I need to get back to what I used to do in 2016. It took me years to get to that shape. It’s all gone. Ageing eventually catches up if you don’t make an effort to be better to yourself. I haven’t talked to my friend much lately. She said that we’re all responsible for ourselves and nobody else. She said I should stop feeling responsible for people and stop acting like I “owe” them anything. Suppose I somewhat resent her for saying that, but at the same time, she’s so right. It’s easy for an air sign like her to say these things, though. I think she has two air signs in her horoscope. Trust me; I wish I’d listened to my heart less in the past. It’s only now that I’ve learned from it all.
The truth is that I’ve made many, many poor choices in my life because I don’t think things through. I compromise and let others take my freedom and judge what I love. At least I don’t listen to it anymore or don’t take it personally. Being there for female friends has also been intriguing and exhausting. I never viewed myself as a best-friend type and probably never will do, but when friends ask me about relationship problems, I can only be as objective as I can be. They practically feel encouraged and validated if you are on their side. But I haven’t taken any sides since my early teenage years when having an opinion was the least interesting thing ever. If there is one thing my best friend A. taught me was to view things from all angles, which means that you likely only know one side of a story, and therefore, you won’t be able to give your friend a decent opinion. Besides, it’s not an opinion that they need; they need to put themselves in the position of their boyfriends, even if they won’t ever understand them. It’s acknowledging each other for who you are. You can’t ever make anyone understand you; they don’t view you the same way you view yourself.
The only satisfying thing I did lately was completing a short story that I submitted to C.’s magazine. He loved it; he couldn’t wait to tell me that he loved it. It sounded like it’s getting published, but I’m not going to have my hopes up. Or maybe? I’m just proud that I can still write a short story. Perhaps that piece is the best one yet. None of my past short stories have been this strong, but I suppose literary, semi-autobiographical fiction with a touch of transgressive is my strength? I haven’t worked on my second novel since I started working. There are many changes I want to make to strengthen the plot and enhance the overall story. It will be a book I’m scared to share.
I can’t wait to get my booster shot so I can plan on flying. After three years, it’s time to see my family. It’s never been this long. I blame it on my decisions to take on responsibilities and commitments. I still hear my friend shout that I’m not responsible for anyone but myself…
I’m so tired of politics. Among the non-vaccinated people are three categories:
a) People who are generally against all vaccinations for whatever personal or religious reasons
b) People who think getting vaccinated is a “left” thing to do, so it’s all about politics.
c) People who are genuinely anxious about this vaccine which is merely…one-year-old? Reading about the deaths it has caused and how it affects every individual differently is not very reassuring. At this point, I’m not sure whether I’ve already had it once or twice. But with all the multivitamins and immunity booster that I’ve been taking, I guess my body is strong enough to fend off any nasty symptoms.
By the way, I have nothing to say about the year of the tiger. I don’t like tigers.
What else is new? My god got neutered. Dog. He survived it like a champ.