It’s probably not a good sign when you become anxious about blogging, especially when the last entry has been a while and has expressed no meaningful intent whatsoever. Suppose you had much more to say back in the day because many things had mattered, or at least you believed they did. The truth is that they have always mattered, but the more responsibility you take on, the more you will forget why you are here.
When looking back at your younger self, you merely shake your head and laugh at your own expense, even though people you used to know have always believed in you because they had a crush on you. That attention was delicious until everyone had moved on, and there was no one left to stimulate or validate you creatively.
Who do you still write for? Who is your muse these days? It’s difficult if you hate everyone. What makes it even more difficult is that you don’t hate anyone more than yourself.
Have you been having sudden spells of lightheadedness that take you to a place far from reality? It’s not a CBD overdose. Instead, it could be a past that could have happened or a future that might happen. The music you listen to paves the way and bridges your mind and the now. For now, you always seem to find a way to go on despite wanting to throw in the towel.
Selfies still exist, and people still like them. Social media’s purpose used to help people connect, and it worked. Remember when passion and art mattered a little more than now? It has become a marketing platform, and you’re likely guilty of it. That’s because people no longer give a shit unless you offer some form of value or entertainment. And you think to yourself that they used to care more, which they did.
Now you remember. Your muse has always been someone that didn’t give a shit about you. Haven’t those muses always been the most inspiring ones and easiest to forget once you completed your project?
Aren’t those the best scenarios of nothing lasting forever? There’s always something new to look forward to, except that this sentiment can wane with age just like emotional intensity.
I think your muse has died.