It will all run to seed

How far down the rabbit hole or the downward spiral do you have to go so that someone thinks you’re on drugs, even though you’re not? (Except for those prescribed by the psychiatrist.)

It’s been a horrible day, except for a visit to my psychiatrist. He messed with my head again with his long speeches about cultures, geography, nationality and, most of all, he thinks he knows who I am and what’s best for me. He said that me doing a master’s degree was a waste of time because it wouldn’t change how I felt inside. He is right that I want to escape from my current situation. And my situation won’t ever change if I don’t face it. What else am I supposed to do if not study and find new ways of dealing with problems?

It’s probably useless to wait for a miracle. At least I’m making a move towards something more productive.

Nothing good will ever stay. Everything that does me good seems to go away in the end. But every little moment of happiness is so precious that I fall in love with it.
He said that one day I would meet the end of all my dreams. My creativity and talent would run to seed, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. What an arsehole.
Well, so why not let me try to live right now?

It looks like I’m running away from the truth, and I’m the lie that people believe. Even though I know they are wrong, I won’t deny them because there is no point. They can say what they want. Though I can’t lie to people that I care about. I lie to myself instead. I wonder whether I’ll ever learn from my mistakes. Or is it going to be an endless trip? A brain and heart trip, which does nothing except drive me crazy.

I will stick with escapism now. A bit of fun, a bit of romance and a bit of high speed. Escape from this. Or start again?

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