It’s an unpleasant thing to witness your friends change.
It’s my parents’ 26th anniversary. I no longer care about that, as it reminds me of the Bonsai plant that never made it.
It’s not quite the autumn I was hoping for, but I love the melancholic atmosphere because it keeps other people inside while I can be outside.
Holden Caulfield and I aren’t really alike, but we have many things in common. Unlike me, he is a liar. But his lies are somewhat forgivable. He lies to strangers to avoid discussions and conversations. He also doesn’t want to open up to people who might harm him. He’s an extraordinary observer and extremely opinionated in his head. We’re both observers; he even writes about observations that I wouldn’t even think about writing.
I’ve been feeling sad since yesterday night.
Even socialising with close people has become difficult, and I tend to stay quiet most of the time.
My former art and sports teacher came to buy food in the supermarket. I felt like a loser serving her. I knew she remembered me. Intuitively, I started a conversation, and I mentioned, “I finished school in England upon which I went to university for three years…” She then asked, “Why the hell are you working in the supermarket?”
Good question, I don’t know the answer.
I still fantasize about someone.
I think NASA is opening a part of the moon to search for supplies. I hate humans.
Having a strong will is not enough.
Why am I so numb when sad?
Thinking of my last decent cry on September 6th.
I don’t feel like sharing my experiences with people who haven’t experienced the same. I want them to go through it themselves and get hurt.
Why tell deaf ears? I shall only write for wise eyes.
And I still fantasize about him.
I love and admire stoical people. Nothing is more attractive. I see stoicism as a form of numbness. Though I know, there is more to it.
I plucked my eyebrows for the first time today. It hurt, and my skin reddened. I don’t think I will ever go as far as other women who value outer beauty more than anything.
Why is it so hard talking to women?
Capitalism, power, fame and recognition.
Do people talk about anything else nowadays?
Never pour water on a grease fire.