My first day at work involved a lot of information; there’s a lot to learn and digest, and I’m doing my best. I will tell you exactly why.
The people are friendly, helpful and always cheery. I’ll be feeling nervous and intimidated as a newbie to the team. I don’t quite know how they tick and what they expect from me as a person. I’m a team player, alright? I just need time to fit in.
The company is legit, and people are sincere–they fully train you. There is a hell of a lot of detail that needs attention. But I’m sure it’s a rhythm/routine that I’ll get into after two or three weeks.
How I hate the beginning of things, I know that I need to get through this carefully.
Left-brainers surround me with limited room for a right-brainer, making me feel like I should be in the creative department, but there’s no such thing in this company. So I’ll have to poke my left side a bit more for help. This is my way of boosting my self-reliance. They use many abbreviations, and you need capacity for general knowledge (which I need to work on by watching and reading more news).
Suppose I’m making my own decisions here; I know what’s right to do.
Although I know this place is legit, I’m still careful. After what I’ve been through in the last three weeks (you know), I can’t help but be analytic.
I’m keeping my composure, despite exhaustion and nausea. But I’m learning. I need to settle into this life after uni. It’s hard work.
This is why I’m here.
Despite my hard work, I overheard something when I was in the lift at work. The lift was packed after the lunch break, and I could see one of my supervisors enter with some other girls. I wanted to shout “hi,” but she didn’t see me, so I didn’t bother.
Someone asked my supervisor, “So, you found someone to take over Germany?”
The supervisor said, “Yeah, she was born in Germany…”
I was about to shout that I was right there. But she continued, “But she isn’t good enough…”
That was that.
I was supposed to get off with them on the sixth floor, but I skipped it and went up the seventh floor, hiding my face behind all my starter’s pack notes.
I suddenly had lots of questions. I knew that it had been difficult for my department to find a suitable applicant – so what exactly made me pass the two interviews that I attended the other week?
I proved that I could do percentage calculation; I knew where the Brandenburger Gate is. And I had proved my common sense on a business level (I was quite fascinated with myself).
So basically, what makes me not good enough? Maybe I’m not good enough because I answered a tricky question wrong, something about multiplying anemones. It had required a greater depth of focus and thinking.
Anyway, I didn’t confront the supervisor because I knew better. I prejudge people too. She surely isn’t writing a novel and never spent 8-10 hours writing a story.
However, it was the first time I travelled through the city during peak time in the morning. I nearly fainted on the tube because it was so packed and stuffy.
Ideally, it would be to leave 90 minutes before work to not panic about getting there late.
I keep telling everyone how much I hate this city, and then I imagine how hard-working New Yorker heart surgeons are.