This state talks a lot about the positive aspects of natural destruction, i.e. how natural fire caused by lightning destroys all the high-standing spruces. That way, all the willows grow easily in the sun, and moose can feed on them.
Metaphorically speaking, is something out there that can burn away all my dark layers? And what mystery is hidden in my woods that attracts people to me?
Looking at the Alaskan nature, I see some red and yellow already; it’s not long till fall. Someone told me they have short autumn seasons lasting only ten days maximum, similar to Calgary. The Alaskan birch trees will turn yellow, and you’ll see some red here and there, but very soon, they’ll be covered in snow.
That’s nowhere near enough time to mourn over the leaves…!
I’m someone who needs an extended time of reflection. You can’t just cover things up without reflecting upon them first. It’s harvest time, and it’s your responsibility to dispose of the dead bodies before the snow covers them. The cold will keep the body intact until spring, and you’ll realise that you haven’t dealt with your demons yet.
The sight of burnt spruces revealed some scenes of a former recurring dream where I entered a dead forest to find some life.
On Wednesday, I saw two dragonflies making love in the air. And a week ago, two sea otters were making love in the water. And a bumblebee was making love to a flower in the mountains…
He doesn’t know how lucky I feel to have him and how hard it is to admit it. It’s not until you spend time alone that you appreciate certain things more. But you’ll always need enough solitary pastimes to remove all these unpleasant thoughts and emotions gathered from stress and other (self-inflicted) things. Then you look to regain assurance by disconnecting yourself from everything and everyone but you.
There’s too much fear, the fear of destruction, the inability to accept destruction and the lack of motivation to start all over again. The fear of reaching a certain age where you can no longer look at Sisyphus, who is on your right, rolling up the boulder. What is he still doing it for?
I’m scared of being tired, not being able to get out of bed and do stuff. I think of depressed people who can’t find the motivation to get up. Yet, getting up and be productive is all I know. All you have to do is force yourself out of bed, even when you’re not working. I understand if it’s easier said than done.
I reached the top of Taiga Mountain with some hikers today. My state of mind changed from delirium to delight because I found the balance of my mind and body, even for a few hours.
The girl in the mountain was looking down at the river. At least something felt right today.
