Compromising, compromising

I guess I never had a healthy relationship in the past where we had to deal with compromises. We never got that far. And I don’t seem to compromise well, either.

I’m…selfish. Or I’m scared of constantly giving and giving without getting anywhere like ten years ago. It’s almost like I’m wholly ruled by fear and insecurity.

Well, I suppose I was. But I should know better now, shouldn’t I? I should know that it’s primarily about “us” and not “I” or “You,” especially not if we want the future to be us.

I insist on one exception, though. If the future is near and we’re still with no plans, I will make my own plan. I understand if the partner’s circumstances are different and require more time, but when it’s too late, it’s too late. I don’t let anything get there in the first place. There is no “too late” in my book. And I certainly have no patience to wait if waiting is not necessary.

I have my own circumstances, too. I booked a flight home to avoid burning out and losing my mind. I applied for my work & holiday for Australia before turning 31. I don’t wait if something can easily be done in a day.

Ok, it did take me a lot of thinking before I decided to go back home. I realised that I’ve been doing nothing here except ignoring how I feel. I need to go home. There is nowhere else to go once my tourist visa runs out. It’s not certain that we will get residency soon after applying in January if submitting it in January. Too many things are still unclear, and it takes two people to clear it up.

Here, I made the first step.

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