Springtime lethargy

In the past week, my springtime lethargy symptoms have been the worst. I didn’t think much of the weather change, as my PMS symptoms are different every month. But the chronic fatigue really got me. I would nap for over two hours in the afternoon for three days straight—a complete waste of my time.


The winter spells only recently came to an end, and the next daylight saving is already around the corner. I don’t think I can keep up.


I’ve been working hard on my blogging routine, applying the strategy that marketing books teach nowadays. Sometimes I wonder whether this blog would’ve made it into something if I had utilized it for something other than journaling. Journaling was still essential for therapeutic purposes.


Perhaps this blog did save me after all. I’ve been revisiting old posts and shook my head at myself. Though one shouldn’t be ashamed of who they once were.


Spring will always return, whether you’re ready or not.


I didn’t get the ghostwriting apprentice position. I suppose I can’t ghostwrite for a Californian white boy, yet it would have been an interesting journey. I should’ve at least replied to the rejection and said thank you for the opportunity. In the end, I left it for too long. Do you say thank you to rejection letters? I did the same thing with another rejection–I ignored it. I would’ve enjoyed that position. I thought I ignored it out of spite, but the truth is, the email read like they’d already filed me away.


My impertinence came from my last position, where my former boss and his wife’s cold demeanour had made me feel uncomfortable working there. I was in charge of recruiting, which I didn’t enjoy. Yet, I showed more heart and care than any recruiting team. The worst recruiters work for recruiting agencies. To them, you’re nothing but a number.


Emailing rejections weren’t fun, and even less if they replied to you asking for reasons. Some would be utterly nosey, and I had to be careful not to release too much information which could hint at any signs of discrimination. My boss was biased, his wife even more. It made me think that it was a relatively common thing.


I was angry. I would feel relieved when people didn’t reply to the rejection. The last thing I wanted was to explain why. If it’s merely a “Thank you for the opportunity,” then whatever.

But I learned it’s not just a “whatever.” Not every company is like my previous one. At least by replying thank you, you leave a decent impression, and they might think of you in the future.


Well, I blew it with two. One had even given me feedback on my writing, and I ignored it. I admit that I was super disappointed and lost confidence in my fiction writing skills for a while. I got over it quickly, yet it was already too late to reply and acknowledge the rejection. In the last eight months, I’ve invested many, many hours finding a suitable position, and only ONE SaaS company compensated me for my efforts. I was stumped.


Anyhow, if I want to ghostwrite for anyone, I’d probably have to narrow the funnel even more and advertise myself to a particular demographic. And perhaps, they’ll have to be of Asian background. Unfortunately, I don’t know many Asian people who think their feelings are of value.


With how Chinese people are brought up, they have the demeanours of Aquarius and Capricorns who are ultra-reserved, with some acting like automatons with no feelings, and it scares me.


How can I encourage them to express their emotions? How can I help them lessen the pressure? How can I take their minds off of money?


On the other hand, I’d be an ideal emotional bomb for Chinese entrepreneurs. I don’t know if I could work with them if they were cold-hearted, money-obsessed businesspeople.


I looked at 2021’s suicide rate by country and saw that Lithuania has the world’s highest death rates. I wouldn’t have guessed that. It’s sad how the lack of mental healthcare in some continents just drives people towards death.


Spring blues seem to be the worst time for suicides. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I’m too busy fighting my own fatigue. Self-care shouldn’t take so long. How soon can you make a difference if you take too long to fix yourself?

While other people combat depression, which I beat in 2010, I’m now battling PMS symptoms combined with Hemingway’s favourite season.

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