One chance after the other and facing your own faults for not speaking up earlier. Some people can only bottle up anxiety, anger, and frustration for so long. But some people don’t do that. They don’t waste time with second chances; they act fast and order immediate results. So you continue to put your own happiness on hold to support something that doesn’t make you happy. Or the progress takes longer than anticipated because that’s what happens when you have responsibilities. You crave that little bit of space and distance but can’t have it.
You told your friends you were firm on your decision this time, and you weren’t. It’s not like you only failed yourself, but you failed them, so you’re too ashamed to even go for a coffee with them. You’ll soon be a year from 40, and you’re still stuck in a place that provides you with no happiness. You have zero affection left, most of all, barely any self-compassion. It’s the perfect example of being in limbo. You were so close to breaking the ouroboros, and yet… And you still have doubts and concerns about the other person. Your greatest weakness is your empathy. A little bit of dismissiveness would get you further, and you could still be empathetic.
You want out badly but don’t know how.
Trying hard to sleep it off, but you keep waking up.
Combine OCD with your troubles and see how how little you can think. The older people get, the less likely they’ll let you go. There’s barely any room to become wise; rather, you become stupider.