Silence vs. honesty

I’m feeling cold and hot at the same time–still tired and exhausted.

Somehow I’m waiting for the perfect time to cry. I’m amazed that I can still hold back the tears, as though I’m not in the mood to cry.

I thought I would be starting a new chapter. Wrong. I realized that things just don’t always go my way. I never thought of myself that selfish.

It’s so depressing here. I wonder for how long others will stick around. I’m not sure how well I’ll stay in touch. Suppose I should just let things take their course, it’s not like my friends aren’t going through personal things as well.

I’m not telling my sister many secrets anymore. I don’t think she’s interested. Sometimes it seems like she doesn’t even know me. My parents’ attitude towards me has changed too.

It makes me feel like a walking ghost, and they don’t recognise me. Perhaps it’s not them but ┬ámy attitude that has changed. My family only knows my bad temper.

I wear Saturn on my back and Rorschach’s signature on my wrist. I have so many horrible things to say, but I can’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I don’t want to lose any more people I care about. Having lost one good friend is bad enough. Though I don’t resent him. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for true love.

However, if I open my mouth now, you will all turn away. And I can’t let this piece of honesty slip my tongue.

Not this time. I don’t want to make anyone cry.

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