Summer pondering

So far, I’ve met many easy-going people. I’m not going to say people with “common sense” because everyone has a different perception of things. I want to focus on little things and pay attention to how people perceive those little things. While some don’t care about trivial things, many take them personally. Ask them why, they’ll say that trivial things make up the whole. I’ve never paid much attention to people like that until I met a girl once. And today I saw her in my mother. No wonder we argue so much. Imagine close people want to know each trivial thing about you, such as “Did you take the train or the bus?” Something that doesn’t even matter. But no, they make a fuss about it as if the world depended on it. I’m not talking about mothers and how they perceive things but people in general. In the end, they accuse you of insensitivity and inconsideration. I hate this. You tell them you didn’t mean to get frustrated, but they are pissed off anyway, refusing to accept your apology.

Do you still care? In moments like these, I say sorry once. There are far worse things that I could do to you.

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I just realized that the title of my last blog post doesn’t make sense. I think being indecisive is being ‘grey.’ It’s similar to the Russian film Night Watch. If you are an Other, you’ll get to choose – between black and white. I know what I will choose. This is only if I don’t get the time to actually think about it. I do have plenty of time to ask myself now, though. My only problem is that I don’t want to join parties. It’s like losing a big chunk of your own individuality, and in the end, you are in the midst of a war, fighting against a brother or an uncle. Overall I haven’t made up my mind. Maybe there are occasions where you have to decide whose side you are on. Still, this doesn’t change the fact that I want to slap anyone who says, whose side are you on?!
Well, certainly not on yours.

Oh well, the contradictory thing is that I vote. I have to emphasize that I don’t have strong beliefs in any party; I vote because I am given a chance to make an impact. I think everyone should do the same. Free choice, people! Of course, it’s also a choice if you decide not to vote at all like my best friend. I don’t blame you if you have your own beliefs, which none of those parties support. As long as you have your own opinions, it’s ok, but don’t let it be apathy. What if you tell others what you believe in, but it won’t change the world? Well, not if you’re on your own.

I think I’ve already mentioned before that I’m planning to release three books? I’ve changed my mind – it’s going to be four. I’m not going to elaborate here. I’m hoping for the next ten years to be busy. I have the inspiration, but not necessarily the syntax yet. I’m still seeking my tone–my voice. Right now, I still sound like a student. I’ve always found it weird when tutors at school and university pointed out my style, saying I sounded like Yoda, but they didn’t seem to complain about James Joyce’s “Ulysses,” which I put down after page one. Does it make sense if I say I felt insulted reading him?

This is one of the most horrible blogs I ever wrote. No ties, nothing.

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