I’m not angry. Why be angry with someone who is only protecting her mother? Is it bad if you don’t reflect your own views in arguments? Views that are supposed to open the person’s eyes who you’re arguing with? I think I just never understood that people don’t change. If they know nothing but their attitudes and values, they won’t ever appreciate what you say to them. They will never realize that they have a choice in life; it’s alien to them because they never had any other options.
I don’t know who I still get on with anymore. I came back, transformed, to spend time with my family and didn’t realize that I had actually taken some steps backwards. I’m still in the same place. Everything is the same, except that my friends have all changed. They have all moved on, and I’m the only one who moved back.
It’s disillusioning and confusing when one friend after the other walks out of my life because they found out that their life is not a one-way street. I’m happy for them and am waiting until each one of them has left without looking back. I also don’t know how to communicate with them anymore. They have a shield that I call indifference, and I’m unable to break it. And why is that? – We have been apart for too long. It’s difficult to reconnect with one another.
I suppose if the connection is gone, it’s gone. I’ve secretly been mourning over the loss of these people. At the end of the day, I left this place first.
I’ve never been good at talking, and I never will be. It doesn’t matter whether it’s Chinese, German or English. I just hate talking.
Nothing I said in those videos is still valid. I wish I could take back everything I said. I was bored and wanted to provoke you a little. Ultimately I’m not capable of giving you the attention you need. I once complained about people never coming to me with their problems, and now I know why.
Everyone had noticed this shield before I did. I remember building it with spite and bad blood, and then I forgot about it. I created this self-division without knowing that I’d been feeding the shield with pretense and self-denial.
How can I be a good writer if I don’t empathize with my characters anymore?