Sky tonight

There is no room to accommodate tiredness, and sometimes you can escape it by merely keeping yourself busy with whatever interests you.

I’m charging well, recovering my equilibrium. Plug in the music, connect it with my soul.

The words are back.

I get scared of my own smile sometimes, especially when it happens in public, and I forget the reason for the smile. That’s an awkward moment as the muscles in my face go stiff.

I smell autumn; that’s the only reason why I appear happy lately. Other than that, you don’t know the slightest thing about this face.

The year has gone by rather quickly; it feels like I have to hand in my thesis tomorrow. The thought makes me nervous.

Ellen has been waiting. She wants to re-experience the fucks to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

I didn’t miss anything.

Yet, I have to work on something else. And I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t know how.

And whenever I feel like asking her for forgiveness, I feel odd.

Who am I to ask? She chose that path herself. Or maybe I’m just attempting to shrug off the guilty conscience, for I have given her life.

My fingers and nails smell funny, somewhat like disinfectant and body lotion. The smell defamiliarises me from this place. Why my hands are in constant need of cleansing, I don’t know. I didn’t do anything bad, not that I know of. And yet I can’t dodge this presentiment that I will commit something nasty.

A sentiment that keeps one up at night.

Tiredness has gone for a long walk this time.

For the sky tonight is beautiful.

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